Sunday, August 21, 2011

I Miss These Canadians

I think I first discovered "The Kids" in the early 90's. A friend of a friend made me watch a show...probably on VHS. It's still funny. Check out this and all the others you can dig up.

Ivan L

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

New Years Resolution 2011

Be the person I used to be....the good parts.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Urban Dog Walking Etiquette

Me, the family, and the pets (yes - we consider the pets a part of the family) just moved from our small town to the big city. Literally, thousands to millions in population. One of the many adjustments we are making is not having a fenced in yard for the mongrels. They are, at least for now, becoming inside pets. No fenced yard also means they must be officially walked multiple times each day. This public walking in our new big city neighborhood has held a learning curb for all of us. Multiple lessons have been learned.

For example what can and can't wear to walk the dogs early in the morning? Do boxers, pajama pants, and bed head make us look like friendly new neighbors or a bit red? Is it appropriate to start up a conversation with others spelling their critters or is this more of a male urinal concept - eyes forward or head down and no talking? And what about the poop?

Here are a few perfectly sensible if not practical rules I have created with a month of experience under our collars.

#1 - Multiple or larger dogs get the right of way.

Never play sidewalk chicken with a Great Dane or Mastiff. It's just like driving and a semi is turning thru your intersection and needs you to back up so their big load can get by. It may irritate you, but you know you'll always move.

Multiple dogs guided by a single walker or multiple walkers with multiple dogs also get right of way. Trust me, 3 Maltese and a basset hound can send a message.

The polite response is to move to the other side of the road or path.

#2 - Poop remediation is trickier than it looks...and more disgusting.

Picking up your pets poop is a humbling experience. It provides a substantial amount of reflection on the whole idea of pet ownership. I find myself wondering if my love for these family members equals bending over and digging out chunks of steaming feces
from monkey grass with a thin plastic grocery bag. I'll let you know when I have an answer.

What's acceptable:

IF a dog poops in the forest and no one is there to hear it - it does NOT make a sound! If it's dark and no one is looking - all removal bets are off.

If your dog has a bad case of diarrhea...just keep walking. If you can find a large stick or rock or hub cap to cover the potential shit shoe danger, great. IF not, don't look back.

Attempt to have your pets using the demilitarized zone between the street and the sidewalk. The yard is sacred ground - avoid it if possible.

Urine is OK anywhere. In fact, I find it enviable that our pets can do this in public but if the owner does its public indecency and classified a misdemeanor - bearing with it probation and a hefty little least, that's what I have heard.

What's NOT acceptable:

Avoid clear poop bags. AT first this seemed like a fine idea to recycle those few extra used zip locks. Actually, it just not something you really want to see first hand.

Happy Trails,

Ivan L

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The 3 Rules of Quality Parenting

OK - So, I can't claim to be be a perfect parent...or husband or employee or human being for that matter. But after a few years of parenting up's and down's I believe I have devised 3 basic rules for properly raising the children.

In no particular order....

Rule #1 - Eye Contact

It took me and the Mrs a while to recognize this flaw in our own time with the younglings...but it you simply make an effort to look the children directly in the eyes when they speak or when you speak to them you will take some major strides in parentdom. Giving the kids face time...turning away from the computer or the paper or the laundry or the whatever and looking at those beautiful little genes you created is critical to being successful at this chellenging job. Think about how you feel when you speak to others and they don't give you their complete attention?! Kids learn to live with it, but it's not the best we can offer. And the genius of it is that it makes no differences what you are doing or what they are saying...eye contact is a good thing.

Rule #2 - Good Food

I realize this subject has been beaten to oblivion lately in the media. Still, it's true. Do not short change the kids with crappy food! Real fruits and veggies, good breads, avoid the processed and please God No Fast Food. This will have a lasting impact on the entire family. Are you really to busy to care about what you feed your most prized possesion? Really?! My woman is great at this and makes it a priority. Our kids are the lucky ones.

Rule #3 - Real Music

Fuck Barney, the Wiggles and Hannah Montana! How un-cool are you to let your children feed on that fake crap?! Give the kids real music. No matter what genre of tunes you prefer you can find some genuine articles for the kids to hum and sing. Besides - if you must be annoyed at times with endless repetition, why not Bob Marley or U2 or Willie Nelson? Our Kids have taken a shine to Billy Joel and Paul Simon is next on the list. Sure, you might have to explain a few lyrics. But wouldn't you much rather have your child sing something legit in public and not embarass you?!?!?

Good Luck,

Ivan L

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Supreme Court Goes Jerry Maguire On America

Apparently big Wall Street bank bonus's have nothing on the supreme court.

Our nations highest court has just screamed, "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" to corporations and campaign finance reform.

Zachary Roth from TPM posts...

In a ruling that has major implications for how elections are funded, the Supreme Court has struck down a key campaign-finance restriction that bars corporations and unions from pouring money into political ads.

The long-awaited 5-4 ruling, in the Citizens United v. FEC case, presents advocates of regulation with a major challenge in limiting the flow of corporate money into campaigns, and potentially opens the door for unrestricted amounts of corporate money to flow into American politics.

Place your bets now for the 2010 mid-term and 2012 presidential election. Maybe we should let Vegas in on the whole politics endeavor.

The reasons our highest court has let us down are simple:

1) In a time of tight budgets, high unemployment, and financial struggle for most Americans...we are sending personal invitations written across Andrew Jackson's forehead to corporations begging them to spend more of their money even more unwisely than they already do. If you thought big bank bonuses on wall street were bad...wait until a mega corp that just cut a few thousand jobs and outsourced a few thousand more spends millions on a campaign add for their favorite goon in a power suit.

2) This is an equal opportunity screw up. Does this benefit the Conservative organizations that typically have the most money? Most likely. But it will make both left and right feel the pressure to throw money in the wrong direction. Think of all the cash the losing candidate will squeeze out of their "supporters." Labor unions haven't a chance to compete. But they will be forced to try and further damage the job security of their employees and the industry they protect.

3) The individual will once again drop to the bottom of the value assessment stack. We would care about our drop in health coverage for our employees..but we've got to win this election first! We might explore more sustainable practices in our product development and look toward a real equitable future for the planet...but we just wrote our last check to Dick Mudraker.

The McCain-Feingold era is over and done. Get ready for corporatocracy at it's worst! Katy bar the door. This will get ugly.

Ivan L

Friday, October 30, 2009

One Song

There aren't many prayers I would feel comfortable posting on my haphazardly updated blog. However, this one reaches out to many.

One Song

All Religions
all this singing
is one song.

The differences are just
illusion and vanity.

The Sun's light looks a little different
on this wall than it does on that wall,
and a lot different on this other one,
but it's still one light.

We have borrowed these clothes,
these time and place personalities
from a light, and when we praise,
we're pouring them back in.

- Rumi